


Different Light

by the_lie_eternal



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Difficulties, Love, M/M, Tags May Change, homeless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 07:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: He took my hands and pulled me up, hugging me tightly, whispering into my ear 'Shut up about this, okay? I love you.''I love you too.' I sighed and kissed him on his lips.





	1. Prologue

'Shit, that's not even enough for food tomorrow.' I whispered to myself while I was checking my wallet for money. Not that I ever had enough to survive anyway since I landed on the streets, alone, homeless, heartbroken and depressed.

It was dark and raining while I was walking through the streets of a town I didn't even know the name of because I couldn't read the street signs, I lost my glasses somewhere in the depths of the past, the darkness of yesterday, hours and minutes I don't want to remember. I was feeling cold, my clothes were completely soaked with water…I couldn't feel my hands and feet, I couldn't even feel my face and the tears which were flowing out of my eyes since I woke up in the morning.

Since I woke up…

At least I woke up.

How should I call it…being a whore fits it pretty well, although that's not true because I don't earn a single cent of money. More like…disgusting people…use me…for their sick fantasies. In reverse I get a shelter for the night and while those 'people' sleep I steal some of their money and similar things. The good side of having nearly no eyesight is I don't see their ugly faces, I don't see what is happening or where I am. I just feel it.

Since the street became my home I haven't slept calm for a single night, I'm always trying to escape, always running, city to city, town to town, shelter to shelter…weird people to weird people.

I let out a loud sob, which pulled me out of my thoughts and my half blind eyes caught a kind of bar. I had no money, but miracles happen every now and then. Not for me however, but at least I could stay there until the rain stops falling.

The disgusting smell which flew around in the building made me feel sick, leading me to the bathroom where I released my stomach into one of the toilets, it wasn't much anyway. I looked at myself in the mirror, even through the blurry sight I could see how ugly I was, my wet long hair made me look like a dog and I guess I smelled like one too.

'What have I become…' I said, being scared of my own voice for a second. It sounded so…normal.

I left the bathroom and suddenly walked into a small group of people which was blocking my way.

'Well, well, well, look who we have here.' a young man said, receiving laughter from the others. 'I heard from you, bastard. We don't tolerate homeless in this town.'

'Then I will leave.' I answered quiet.

'Are you sure?' the man laughed.

'Get out of my way and you will never see me again.'

'You know, I want to be sure that I won't see you again. You have ten seconds. One…' he began to count. I pushed myself through the other people which came closer to watch. Arrived at the main door the last thing I heard was 'Five…you know, screw it, get that motherfucker!'

I began to run, as always, into the darkness, into the unknown…escaping once again. I heard loud voices behind me, coming closer. The raindrops splashed into my face, mixing up with the tears as usual. This is my death, I won't survive this encounter…but I was fine with that. Better dead than more wounds and pain.

It seemed like I ran for hours, painful and long hours. They were still following me, I could feel their steps coming closer, could already feel their fists in my face and other things in other places.

And right when I felt my feet losing their strength a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me into a dark side street. It was a man, he pressed his hand on my mouth and hid me close to himself in the shadows. A miracle or just another nightmare?

The voices and steps of my persecutors slowly faded away…did that man save me?

'Are you okay?' he put his hand away and asked worried. The sound of his voice gave me a sudden warm feeling which somehow calmed me down, but I was still unsure about his true intentions.

'Hey, what's up with you? Why did they chase you?' he repeated while trying to look into my eyes. I wanted to answer but instead I began to cry heavily again, pulling myself closer to the man.

'It's okay, Pssht little one. Where do you live?' finally he made me look at him, more or less. He seemed friendly, I wondered if he looks friendly too.

'I…I am homeless…' I sobbed, feeling how his hug got stronger.

'I'm going to take you with me, okay? Don't be scared, I won't hurt or touch you inappropriate. Can you walk?' that wasn't a miracle, he's trying to make me a friend just to fuck me later. Nevertheless…if he was truly friendly…I shook my head.

'Then I will carry you, my car is right over there.' he said and picked me up, carrying me bride-style out of the dark street. Either he was freaking strong or I weight nothing, the second it had to be.


	2. The Stranger

I woke up from a strange dream, finding myself sitting on a couch, wrapped up with blankets…wearing not my own clothes?

'I thought you will never wake up. Your clothes were all wet so I clothed you with some of mine, I hope that's fine. And I hope you like tea, I made some for you so you don't freeze to death.' he walked into the room and smiled at me, a cup in his hand.

'Why…why are you doing this…for me…a stranger.' I whispered, warming up my hands with the hot cup, only then noticing he may had seen my ugly scarred body while changing my clothes. But he seemingly didn't care about it, at least not in that moment.

'Do you know how many people those group of men already killed? And such a young soul as you does not deserve to die yet.' he sat down on a chair next to me, watching me.

'Thank you…but I guess I somehow deserve to die, but whatever. What's your name?' I asked while slowly sipping the tea.

'I am Jaska, Jaska Mäkinen.'

'Thank you, Jaska…I'm Jari. You must look beautiful with a voice like this.' I commented with a smirk.

'I must? Are you blind?' he asked me curiously, I could feel how he stared at my face.

'I lost my glasses some time ago and without them I'm technically blind, so yeah, kind of.'

'Then I know what we will do tomorrow.' he laughed. This was too much, he was planning something with me. Since I left my home nobody threatened me as friendly as he did.

'You just met me an hour ago…'

'Actually four, you had a pretty deep sleep. I like you, you know? Not in the way you are thinking now. I want to know more about you, you seem me interesting.' he interrupted me.

I gave a short laugh 'You can tell me if you just saved me so you can fuck me, okay?'

'…Why should I?' he asked confused, his tone sounded honest…that means…but if I trust him…

'I thought…well…it is complicated.' I sighed and finished the tea. If that man truly behaves as friendly has he did at this moment…maybe he could help me to start a new life.

He stood up, yawned and said 'Anyway, I have the feeling you might need some rest now, I will leave into my bed also. You can decide where you want to sleep. I just hope you are still here tomorrow.' he smiled, patted my head and walked out of the room.


	3. The Past

'Here it is, your new glasses.' the friendly woman from the optician said as she gave it to me.

'Put it on.' Jaska said, his hand laying on my shoulder. Didn't he know I was seeing him for the first time?  I hesitated…but at the same time I wanted to see the world around me unblurry again, to read things again…and to see how Jaska looked like.

'Will do so, I guess.' I sighed and put it on my nose, keeping my eyes closed. He put his other hand on my shoulder too, standing right in front of me.

'Open your eyes, I'm not ugly, I swear.' he laughed.

I wish I would be as confident as you, I thought, took a deep breath, let some remaining thoughts flying around in my head, then carefully looked at the man in front of me.

And he was right.

His short but soft, dark hair was all messed up, a dark blonde beard covering half of his face, a pair of amazingly beautiful eyes looking into mine. He was smiling with his so kissable looking mouth, I forgot to breath for a few seconds.

'Sir? Is everything okay? Is something wrong with the glasses?' the woman asked after I haven't moved for a small while.

'He is fine, don't worry about it.' Jaska laughed 'It is just the first time after a while he can see normally again, he's just a little startled.'

'You…you are beautiful' I accidentally said out loud, I coughed 'I mean, you are pretty good looking, better than expected.' I stuttered. God Jari, what was that? You are so embarrassing!

'Thank you, little one.' he laughed and stroked through my hair. Hopefully he didn't notice how I blushed.

We left the building and walked back to Jaska's small black car. I looked around, noticing that it stopped raining. Finally I could see the town I ended up in. The nearly whole drive a strange silence ruled between us, I caught myself looking at him every now and then, on which he answered with a smile every time he noticed it. He was cute, yes. And I liked him…I wonder if he liked me too.

The uncomfortable silence continued until we arrived back in his flat, which I scanned first too, only receiving a quiet laugh from Jaska.

'What?' I looked at him slightly annoyed, only to be fascinated by his beauty again. Why is life so hard, why did this angel come into my life? And when will he disappear again?

'It's nothing, I just find it funny how you behave like it is the first time you see something.' he giggled and sat down on the couch. Little did he know, I really felt like seeing the world around me after years of darkness and pain…and his appearance brought sudden light into it.

After looking around for another while I sat down next to him and our eyes met.

'Story time?' I asked.

'Me first?' he replied, I nodded. Another laugh left his lips, he sat down more comfortable and began to speak 'So, there is not much I can tell you about myself. I am 30 years young, living in this town since forever. I'm planning to work as a musician one day and I am single. Is there any more?' he gave me a questioning gaze. I shook my head. 'Then it is your turn, I want to know who this handsome boy in front of me is.' he smirked.

I blushed, nobody called me handsome ever before, that was too much for my weak heart, once again I felt tears rising into my eyes.

'Jari? Are you okay?' he asked worried and came a little closer, putting his arm around my shoulder.

'No.' I sobbed, burying my face in my hands, he was slowly stroking over my back. 'You are an angel, aren't you? Fuck, Jaska, nobody ever in my life threatened me as nice as you do. I don't remember how long it has been since I left him, since I ran away from him. He, my…boyfriend…' I gulped, did Jaska already notice before that I was not straight? 'He was everything but lovely to me. I don't know why or if I ever fell in love with him, even after millions of punches, tortures and thousands of meaningless fucks only for his pleasure I still did not think about leaving him. However, one day I asked if I could go on the streets a little for some fresh air, to my own surprise he allowed it. So there I stood, and only seconds later I was running, the first of many miles I've ran through my life. I had no money, no idea what I was doing. I never had friends or other people which could give me shelter from this monster. And I ran until it became dark, until I reached a town I only knew through the window of a car. That's where it all began, from one lovemaking without love into the next. I knew no other way how to survive on the streets, without being possible to stay at one place for a long time, afraid he could find me.' Jaska listened to me with a shocked facial expression, but even though he was interested in it. 'Yeah, but except getting money from the people which _used_ me they gave me shelter for the night, an unfair business but what could I do against it? So anyway, you are like…the light at the end of a long dark tunnel. I always hoped for a miracle to happen, that I finally die through an accident or whatever, but instead you suddenly appeared yesterday…and…' more I couldn't say, the tears took over.

'Pssht, it's okay Jari, you don't have to talk about it if it hurts you.' he whispered and pulled me closer again, my head resting on his chest. His breath was uneven…was he…crying too?

'I am sorry for thinking you are just another person using me. Please don't exploit the fact I am trusting you, please don't do this to me.' I sobbed again, moving slightly away from him to look into his beautiful slightly glassy eyes again.

'I won't, I swear.' he said with that amazing deep voice 'I will take care of you as long as you need me, even when you don't need me anymore.' he leaned his forehead against mine. I nodded silently and hugged him, strong and lovely.

Was I dreaming?


	4. Was I flirting with him?

A few days went by, I slowly created my little home into Jaska's. We talked much, getting to know each other, we became friends.

'How should I ever pay you back?' I asked while I prepared my sleeping place on the couch, he was cleaning up some things in the kitchen.

'You don't have to. Don't worry about that, okay?' he answered, coming into the living room again. 'You know…' he scratched the back of his head shyly 'That should not sound strange, but I know that couch is not very comfortable. If you want, it is all up to you, I still have enough space for another person in my bed…only if you want. Not thinking in the sexual way, just if you need it more comfortable.' he stuttered, he was so amazingly cute, it made me smile.

'I guess I am fine, but anyway thank you.' I smiled at him and gave him a strong hug.

'Good night my little one.' he whispered, I gave him a quick smooch on the cheek and answered 'Good night my big boy.' We both smirked at each other, then he left to his bedroom.

Now after he mentioned it, the couch really wasn't the most comfortable thing to sleep on. Of course I thought sleeping in one bed together with him must feel strange, but I somehow liked the thought of it too. I got up and carefully made my way to his bedroom, trying to make no sounds in the meantime. Arrived there I sneaked up to his giant bed, finding a pillow and blanket already prepared for me. Jaska was seemingly sleeping, quietly snoring while cuddling with a plushie dog. I needed to smile again before I laid down next to him, immediately I became tired, this bed was made for people loving sleep.

The next morning I found myself laying in his arms, noticing he was shirtless. Good morning handsome, I thought. Woken up by my movements, he slowly opened his eyes and yawned. It took him a second to realize what situation we were in, he quickly sat up and pushed me a little away from him.

'Oh my god, I am sorry, I didn't mean to…' he began to panic and apologize. I just gave a short laugh, laid my finger on his lips and smirked 'Hey, it is alright. After all it was me who sneaked up to your bed. And to be honest, it is not that I don't like that view.' Was I flirting with him? I just knew him for less than a week…screw it.

He slightly blushed, getting up from the bed to put on a shirt. I couldn't help myself from looking at his lower back, though he's only wearing shorts.

'You seem to like what you see.' he laughed without turning around. I quickly pretended that I did not stare at his ass shamelessly, but he already caught me. 'Naughty boy.' he whispered and made his way out of the bedroom with a slight smile on his face.


	5. Fear

'You haven't told me your age yet, if it is okay that I ask.' Jaska said when we drove back home after buying some things from the grocery store. My gaze out of the window wandered to him, his eyes were fixed on the street, he was waiting for an answer of mine.

'Much younger than you, five years.' I mumbled, looking again at the houses passing by.

'25, alright' he quietly said for himself 'So young, still innocent.'

I guessed he did not know the definition of innocent, but I was not really in the mood for a talk, so I kept further answers for myself. The worries came back and haunted my mind. Don't cry again, Jari, don't cry, I told myself…I was such a weak coward.

'Jari?' my friend asked as we stopped in front of his house. I felt so embarrassed crying in front of his eyes, but I could not help it. He once again put his hand on my shoulder and made me look at him with the other.

'What is it?' he tried to calm me down, giving me a worried look.

'Can…can we go inside?' I sobbed, without hesitation he got out of the car, opened the passenger seat door and carried me inside. I did not ask for it, but it made me feel safe.

He placed me on the couch, saying 'I just go getting our stuff quickly, then I am here for you.' I nodded and he quickly went out of the door again.

'Here I am!' he exclaimed when he sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms, the tears stopped, not for long of course, I still had that terrible feeling in my head. 'Now, what's up with you? Why the sudden mood change?' he carefully asked, softly stroking through my hair.

'I…I just had that thought…that he might find me. I know you take care of me…but I am so deadly afraid of him. Please, please never leave me alone, I don't want to go back into this life, into my past.' trying to hold back the tears was impossible as always.

'Pssht Jari, it's okay, I won't leave you. You are safe with me.' he whispered and smooched my head 'He will not find you, he surely already forgot how you looked like.'

'I have no idea when I ran away, it could be years or only a few weeks. He did not forget me, Jaska, he is hunting me.'

'No need to fear, he will never touch you again, I promise that.' he pulled me even closer, trying to calm me down in every way he knew.

But he could not understand. He cared so much but he could not see my true fear. Nevertheless, it was that day I finally understood why Jaska came into my life.


	6. The Confession

We sat together on his couch, watching some boring stuff on the TV. He had his arm around my shoulders, his favorite move it seemed. Since our first meeting around one month passed, slowly I got used to live by his side. Sleeping in the same bed was not weird anymore, waking up snuggled together became an usual thing. I still wondered why he would take a total stranger home with him if it is not because of a _special_ reason. Yes, I thought he was cute and handsome. However, I did not have that feeling of the so-called love. I learned to ignore and suppress it, after my more or less bad memories with it. Probably he was into woman anyway, so I didn't even start giving myself hope.

'Jari, this question may seem random, but do you play an instrument?' I gave his small collection of guitars hanging at the wall a quick look. He was a guitarist, that's what I already knew through our short time together.

'I play the drums, pretty good actually. Of course, that was before all this shit happened. With a little practice and time I could surely get into it again.' I smiled, thinking about the fun I had as a kid, going crazy with my first drum set. I kept the whole house awake at night, drumming and creating music until the soon morning greeted me again. Then, after finishing school and stuff…he happened. I left my beloved instrument behind, only to realize the biggest mistake I've ever done.

'Because, you maybe know it already, I play in this band.' He mentioned it a few times, but I did not ask further if he disappeared for the day or in the evening sometimes, as long as he came back. 'And it's amazing that you play the drums, because our recent drummer decided to make his own thing. I don't want to force you to do that, of course. Think about it, maybe we could visit the other members in the studio too, if you want to see their faces first. As I said…maybe you would like to…I don't know.' he mumbled and I just gave a short laugh about his sudden shyness towards the end.

'I will think about it, visiting them would be nice too, getting to know your friends.' I smiled and looked at him.

'Then I will let them know about you.' he smiled also. His gaze was still fixed on the TV, so I carefully put my hand on his cheek and make him look at me. His eyes still fascinated me, even after the millionth look. And there it was, I knew that face of him. Hesitating, unsure, he wanted to tell me something.

'Are you okay?' I asked quietly, continuing my studies of his eyes.

'Jari…you know, you always ask and wonder why I helped you back then and why I gave you shelter and cared about you and…the moment I looked at you for the first time I immediately felt a bond, a strange bond. I wanted to know more about you, to find out more about this quite cute guy with that horrible but still interesting past. Since then, my thoughts about you didn't stop.' he took a deep breath. If that was what I thought it was…oh my god. He took my hand into his, slowly stroking over it. 'I've never done this before, it may seem a little weird and stuff but…goddamnit. I think…I love you.'

My face must've said everything, a strange silence filled the room, Jaska seemed to think I was disappointed. I was everything but disappointed. How could someone as him fall in love with me? Was he hiding that for all these days?

'I…I am sorry…' he mumbled and wanted to let my hand go. Alright Jari, now or never. I took his hand into mine this time, wandering into his neck with the other one. A last confident look into his eyes, then I carefully laid my lips on his. It had to be ages since I kissed someone for the last time, I already forgot how beautiful (and wet) it was.

He was still unsure about what to do, slightly shocked about the sudden happening too, so I tried to sneak in my tongue to calm the tension. Slowly he accepted how it is and we ended up in a passionate kiss, lasting for a few minutes.

'You are so cute.' I smirked when we parted, shameless to say that was the best kiss I ever had. I let my hand run through his dark hair, looking into his beautiful eyes once again. He blushed and his mouth formed a little smile. 'And you can do some amazing work with these lips and tongue.' I whispered, holding back my inner giggling.

'Jari!' he exclaimed and rolled his eyes, only to laugh shortly after. He put his arms around me, closing the minimal distance between us into a warm and lovely hug.

I never thought that I will ever say this again, but I knew Jaska was it, the right one, this time it better had to be true, I pressed a smooch on his scratchy bearded cheek and mumbled 'I love you too.'


	7. Poets of the Fall

'I don't know, maybe that was a bad idea, what if they don't like me? What if they don't want a homeless dude in their band?' I worried, standing in front of the huge building in which their studio was. Jaska just gave a short laugh, put his arm around my shoulder and said 'They will like you, I am sure of that. And why should they reject you because you _were_ homeless. You are with me now, it's all fine.'

I sighed nervously and followed him into the building. After a row of seemingly endless hallways we ended up at a door, saying _'Poets of the Fall'_. I heard voices, many voices, how many members had this band? I gulped and took Jaska's hand, he immediately felt my trembling.

'Hey, it's all going to be well, trust me.' he whispered and gave me a short kiss 'Just don't cry, okay?'

I nodded, then he opened the door and we walked in. Four, only four. Four faces staring at me, judging me by my look, by my appearance…by the fact Jaska's hand became slightly blue because I clawed so strongly into it.

'Alright, guys, I want to introduce Jari to you. Yes, he's young, but he is exactly the drummer and bandmember we need.' he said, me feeling their stares becoming more intense.

'I didn't know it was 'Bring-your-girlfriend-to-work'-day.' a man who sat around with a bass in his hands commented.

'Don't be so hard with him, can't you see how nervous he is?' another guy with slightly longer hair, just as me in blonde, protected me, but a dark haired man from the other corner of the room who was sitting next to a keyboard answered 'I think the only thing which is hard for him you can find in Jaska's pants.' A laugh went through the room, I blushed as much as it was possible and tried to somehow hide behind Jaska. It was a bad idea, I knew it. At the same time I was wondering why they knew we were a couple, he did not tell them…but I guess it was obvious in that moment.

'See it positive, guys' the silent other blonde guy who sat on the couch raised his voice, immediately I knew this had to be their singer 'Now we have two small victims for our jokes, poor Olli isn't alone anymore.'

The long haired blondie stood up, he has to be said Olli, and replied 'Stop bullying me for my size! This is not funny!'

'You know, seeing how you are freaking out because of that is even funnier.' the other blonde answered and stood up too, but was walking into my direction.

'If you tell him shit about me I am going to kill you!'

'Bla bla bla. So, Jari was your name, right?' the singer asked when he stood in front of me, in the meantime Jaska let my hand go, smooched me on the cheek and walked over to the couch, leaving me alone with the stranger.

'Anyway, I am Marko Saaresto, you probably never heard of me before but that is fine. I'm singer of this little band thing and I am happy we don't need to search for a random new drummer and instead have you, I already like you.' Marko, nice name, I thought. I just nodded, still too nervous to get out a single word.

'Damn Jaska, are you sure he speaks our language and understands us?' the dark haired keyboardist laughed again, my boyfriend just smiled and said 'Give him some time, okay? You weren't the biggest chatterbox at the beginning too, right?' The other guy nodded and gave Olli a look. 'Who are you again? I already forgot, two small people confuse me.'

Again, a laugh made its way through the room, the singer got pushed away from me by said smaller guy.

'Don't take their stupid comments too serious, just go with it and don't become angry as me, they only like that.' he smiled 'You maybe already noticed, I'm Olli, guitarist just as Jaska. The friendly man with the amazing ability to tell bad jokes over there' he pointed at the dark haired 'is Markus, the keyboard-guy. But we just call him Captain or Kapu, you can choose. And that other random dude over there is Jani, our bassist. His jokes are actually quite funny…sometimes. Anyway, good thing you and I have similarities, now they can bash us both.' he patted my shoulder and winked at me.

'N…nice to meet you…you all' I stuttered. I knew there was no reason for me to be nervous but I couldn't help it. I looked at Jaska, who gave me a questioning look and asked 'Don't you want to show them your drumming skills? That will bring you down surely too.'

'I guess I could…' mumbled and walked over to the big drum set. It had to be over five years since I had a pair of drumsticks in my hands for the last time. Nevertheless, I immediately felt familiar with them. This was my instrument, my soul.

I sat down, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Five people were staring at me in silence, but if I am going to play in their band I need to show my skills to much more people so that was alright. I had no song or kind of melody I could play, I just concentrated on my hands, they knew what to do.

'Don't let me down, not even after all these years.' I whispered to myself, then I began to play. A little stiff at the beginning, but I quickly got into the rhythm of the play, forgetting the world around me for a little while, leaving behind all worries I had. I could not see their reactions while I played, but that was fine, their faces after I finished told me what they thought of it.

'It would be a shame if we wouldn't accept you as our new drummer. And to be honest, you are even better than our old one.' Marko commented after a short while of amazed looks at me and the seemingly amazing show I just did. I began to smile, I did it. The first time in my life someone accepted me because of the things I can do and not because of my look. I stood up, noticing they were even clapping their hands for me.

'That was amazing, sweetie.' Jaska hugged me and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

'So…can we call you our new drummer or do you say no? It is up to you, choose wisely.' Olli asked with a smirk. I looked around, they all gave me a similar smirk, impossible to say no.

'I guess so, why shouldn't I.' I said and got greeted by happy sighs and high fives.

From being home- and hopeless into a seemingly perfect relationship and a real job in a band, where is the bad side of it? The good side is always followed by the bad side…it has never been different in my life.


	8. The Night That Changed my Life

Learning their songs and practicing drums went all fine the next few months. They gave me all the time I needed and we all got to know each other. They were great people, each of them was special in their own way, the best I got along with Olli. He and I became some kind of best friends. The others still laughed about us because of ridiculous reasons 'They are both small and long haired, the girls of the band, …' but we knew that these were just jokes. We laughed along with it, knowing that they would never let us down. And Jaska wouldn't let me down anyway.

Around two months after I met them I played my first concert together with them. Of course, I had a half heart attack through my nervousness before the show, but my friends calmed me down, telling me how nervous they were at their first concerts but that their…our fans love us, no matter how bad we think we are.

As soon as I stepped on stage together with them, looking into the eyes of hundreds of fans, I forgot my worries and fears. I felt the music taking over my body, carrying me into a wonderful other world, only to realize this my life now.

I was no longer a dirty small slave for a man who never loved me, no longer a whore seeking the streets for shelter. I was a grown man, a successful musician, still in the eyes of haters because of the fact I was homosexual, but I loved my partner and he loved me, nothing more counted. I will always remember this night, not only because of the concert which changed my life…

'I am tired...' I yawned, leaning my head back against my boyfriend's shoulder, who gave me a quick smooch before he began to smile. We just arrived back home after my first encounter with my new life, the life on the streets as a musician, dreaming of touring every single country on the world. Actually, I wasn't tired, the adrenaline still rushed through my veins, but laying in Jaska's arms on the couch in the quiet atmosphere of our home kept me calm.

'You made an amazing debut tonight. Did you enjoy the gig?' he asked quietly, his hands stroking over my shoulders. I sighed, I loved it so much when he did that.

'Oh, it was truly amazing, it made me rethink my whole life, you know? I just thought about...isn't it a little strange if two bandmates are in a relationship? Not that the others feel strange about that.' I moved my head a little so I could see his face.

'Good to hear. It isn't strange for them, don't worry, after all we are not the only _couple_ , Marko and Olli call each other just best friends but we all know what's up between them. You are tired, you said?' he grinned and began to massage my shoulders while pressing some wet kisses on the back of my neck.

'Jaska...' I sighed again, making him giggle. Gosh, how could he be so hot and cute at the same time?

'I see, you enjoy it.' he whispered into my ear after a few silent minutes listening to my suppressed sounds, massaging deeper.

It felt way too good to stop it, but I didn't want him to do all the work, so I turned around, pressed him down on the couch and began to press kisses down his neck. I didn't want to be the only source of sweet enjoying sounds.

'So you are taking the lead?' He was always thinking about the dirty stuff. But if we already were about it...I was ready to make this relationship more intimate, I only needed to show that to him. And with some luck he was ready too.

 

_[We all know what's happening here...]_

 

After laying in his warm embrace for a while I fell asleep with a smile, this man threatened me as I always wished someone would treat me.

And he truly loved me.

And I truly loved him.


	9. No More

Around a year passed by, Poets of the Fall became my home, Jaska and my relationship strengthened even more. Beginning as a wonder, turning into the man of my dreams, my savior. Every single day I asked him how I should ever pay him back, how I could show him how thankful I am. 'Your love is the only thing I accept as payback.' he always said and shut me up about that topic, usually ending up in passionate kisses.

The doorbell rang.

'Can you go? I'm busy.' Jaska asked, he was tuning and cleaning some of his many guitars.

'Of course, my love.' I whispered, gave him a smooch and made my way to the door.

A giant mistake, I realized the moment I opened it.

'Good to see you, Jari.' His voice let me shiver, seeing his face left me shaking, unable to move.

'I missed you, you know? Gosh, you look beautiful, that dude took good care of you. That beard looks nice, why did I never allow you to have one?' he mumbled, coming closer, his disgusting fingers stroking over my cheek.

'Jaska.' I managed to exclaim, hoping he would hear it.

'Oh, do you call for daddy now? You're still such a coward. But that doesn't make me loving you less.' I wanted to shout his name, but that monster pressed me against the nearest wall, putting his horrible tasting lips on mine. I wished to die in that moment. Everything to escape this man. I tried to push him away, but he seemingly gained even more strength through this year, pinning me against the wall like an animal his prey. But wasn't it exactly that? Jaska…save me…save me…please, I thought, closing my eyes to prepare for an instant death.

'Just what do you think you are doing?' I heard my boyfriend's voice, thank god. I just had to hope he knows I did not begin with this kiss. I heard a slap, I got freed of that terrible guy and felt Jaska pulling me strongly into his arms. All these months I made it without crying a single time, but meeting my ex brought it all up again, leaving me like a crybaby in Jaska's arms. I felt reminded to the day he found – saved me, defenseless, worrying about my life.

'I would love to take my boy back home.' he said, smiling devilishly.

'He belongs to no one. His home is here. Leave him in peace, you sick motherfucker!' my partner said angrily while stroking through my hair.

'Then what are you doing right now? Claiming him for yourself?' he reached out a hand and tried to touch me, but Jaska pushed him away once again. He sat me on the ground, giving my head a kiss, whispering 'I take care of this, I promised to protect you.' I could hear the anger in his voice, I just nodded and watched the happening from a distance.

'How did you find him, huh?' he grabbed my ex by his collar and formed his free hand to a fist.

'I never stopped looking after him.' he smirked, looking down to me 'I knew he would run away. I knew where he was going, I knew he would end up here. I didn't plan you in though, my boy had luck.' That man…he stalked me…for all this time?

'Stop calling him yours for fucks sake!' Jaska shouted and punched him in the face. It left my ex a bleeding nose but he didn't dare to fight back. 'Let me go, okay?' he just silently said.

Confused by the sudden question, my boyfriend just asked 'Why should I? After all these things you did to him? After all these years you tortured him? Do you really think I just let you go? Letting you into the world to find your next victim?' He let him go, just to push him against the wall and letting out all his aggressions.

I looked away, just hearing that monster suffering was enough for me.

I don't know how long this kept going, but after a while I heard Jaska shouting 'And now get your ugly face out of this house, town and country. If I ever see you again I will kill you, alright?' My ex only mumbled something in pain and literally crawled away, my partner closed the door, knelt down next to me and pulled me into another hug.

'It is alright now, sweetie. You don't have to worry about him anymore.' he kissed me on my forehead and looked into my eyes, which were still full of tears.

'Jaska…' I sobbed 'I don't deserve someone…someone like you.'

He took my hands and pulled me up, hugging me tightly, whispering into my ear 'Shut up about this, okay? I love you.'

'I love you too.' I sighed and kissed him on his lips.


End file.
